I really wasn’t sure what to expect from fatherhood. The weeks leading up to it I was getting anxious. Was I really fit to be a father? I was the same guy in college who on a dare walked around his apartment naked, but now I was expected to responsibly raise a child?
There were so many things that made me nervous. Diaper changing not only seemed like a complicated ritual, but I didn’t think I could handle the surprise inside them. Freelance writing is a time consuming endeavour, and I knew parenting would start to eat up my valuable time. Plus I was perfectly happy with my life and knew that a baby would drastically change it. Would I begrudge my child for completely overhauling my world?
All my worries evaporated the moment I held my son for the first time. I’ve mentioned it here before that holding my son right after his entrance into this world was the most spiritual moment of my life. It was also that exact moment I knew I would love and protect this boy for the rest of my life. I now wanted to do whatever I could for him, and nothing seemed like too much, even a few dirty diapers.
The spiritual moments have increased over time and my love has grown stronger since that day. I think about Everett when I’m not around him. I feel like I’m soaring above the clouds every time he smiles at me. He makes me laugh continuously throughout the day. He has helped me realize there is still magic in life.
It hasn’t all been wonderful. I’ve had nights where I’m cursing and begging for him to just fall asleep. There were times I just wanted to tape his mouth shut so he wouldn’t spit out another carrot. There were days when I was ready to pack him in a box and ship him off to the North Pole.
I’ve had fun. I’ve been frustrated. He has reinvigorated me, but also worn me out. He makes me love and cherish life, but also makes me want to hide under the bed for a year. It has been both extremes. But I am beginning to learn that is exactly what parenting is all about.
I must admit it has been an amazing year. Everett has tricked many into believing I am a good dad, because he is so relaxed and easy going. I still have no clue what I’m doing, but after one year, he is healthy and he loves me. I must be doing an okay job.
It has been an incredible journey. I’m humbled to think that there have been people who have read this column on a weekly basis for over a year. I really hope you’ve enjoyed it and had at least half as much fun as I’ve had writing it. It has been a real pleasure sharing my parenting adventures with you.
I want to thank Pregnancy & Newborn for giving me this opportunity. I especially want to thank all of you. Because without readers, I’m just some guy hiding in the corner of his house while smashing away on his keyboard. Okay, I am that guy, but my smashing has led to something actually enjoyed by others. So, thank you.
This marks the end of my “Dad’s Eye View” column. I still have many more exciting years of parenting ahead of me. I will still be occasionally sharing those adventures and several cute pictures of Everett over at my blog, The International House of Spicer. I would love it if you followed me there.
Once again, thank you for spending this year with me. It has been a wonderful time.
P&N thanks Christopher, Emily, Everett and Summit (and Crosby) for sharing with us this past year.